What’s a ‘Normal’ Sex Drive for Single Women? 12 Candid Answers
From a lack of comprehensive sex education to the societal taboo around openly discussing sex, it’s easy to feel like you’re navigating your desires in the dark. This often leads to one burning question: “Is my sex life normal?” We become preoccupied with numbers—how often we’re having sex, our “body count,” and whether a dry spell means we’ll “forget how” (spoiler: you won’t).
While prioritizing pleasure and connection (quality over quantity) is always the goal, curiosity about frequency is valid. A dip in your usual sexual activity can sometimes signal underlying issues, like a new medication affecting your libido, mental health challenges, or simply the realities of a tough dating scene. Hearing from others can be reassuring and normalizing.
So, how often are single women really having sex? Research suggests a wide range, with a 2021 study finding that 36% of single people have sex 1-3 times per month. But stats don’t tell the whole story. We asked 12 single women to share the real-life details behind their sexual frequency, their last encounter, and most importantly, how they feel about it.
12 Single Women on Their Sexual Frequency
1. “I’ve had a string of bad dates lately.” “I probably have sex less than once a month, though I currently haven’t had sex since April. I tend to meet people on dating apps, but I’ve had a string of bad dates lately, so nothing’s come of those. The sex was great with someone I dated for a month! But if I sleep with someone I’ve just met from an app, the sex usually isn’t good.” —Grace*, 28
2. “I have a hard time dating multiple people at once.” “I had sex with a friend from January to March, then went on two first dates. Two weeks ago I met someone at a bar and we’ve had sex since. [We have a] good connection, but I’m not sure where it will go. I have a hard time dating multiple people at the same time. I know I should but I can’t.” —izdontzknowz, 26
3. “I have periods of no sex, and then regular sex.” “I’m a pretty regular dating app user, but I’m fussy. This means I go through periods of no sex and then periods of regular sex, rather than having lots of casual sex consistently. When I’m seeing someone, I probably have sex once or twice a week, and when I’m single, it can be up to three or four months before I have sex again.” —Naomi*, 24
4. “It’s been really hard.” “In the last two years, I’ve been on five dates total, with three people. No sex. I have Hinge and Raya. It’s been really hard!” —LauraBranigan, 33
5. “I need to actually like the person.” “[It’s been] two years for me [since I last had sex]. I’m not into casual hookups. Sometimes I miss sex. I know I could get it if I wanted, but I need to actually like the person. I also feel that sex has often been disappointing in the past, as in the man was mostly just focused on his own pleasure.” — via Reddit
6. “I have a couple of people I sleep with fairly regularly.” “I probably have sex a couple of times a month. I have a couple of people I met through apps who I sleep with when we both have time. With those people, the sex is always great. I last had sex two weeks ago with a guy I met on Feeld last year. This is kinda perfect for me because we know what we like and we get on well, but there’s no expectation.” —Felicity*, 30
7. “Each year, my sex life slows down.” “I’ve been single for four years and each year my dating and sex life slows down. Last year, I went over a year without sex because I was being ultra picky. This year, I moved cities so I figured I’d rip the Band-Aid off with a quick fling… well I ended up with chlamydia, so guess who is retiring back into celibacy?” —aelizabeth3300, 24
8. “Living at home impacts my sex life a lot.” “I’ve been unintentionally celibate for about six months now. I’m not really a casual sex person—I catch feelings way too easily. I also live at home with my family, so that impacts my sex and dating life a lot. Maybe if I didn’t, I would have sex more often and more casually.” —Zoe*, 26
9. “I had sex with two people I considered having potential.” “I’ve had about 10 dates with new people in the last few months. Of those, I had sex with two people I considered as having potential for a long-term relationship.” —thatjaybirdtho, 31
10. “Far better than the sex I had in a relationship!” “On average, I have sex once to twice a month. I usually meet the men I have sex with on dating apps. Generally the sex is pretty good, and I’ve really been enjoying more sexual experiences as a result of being single. It’s far better than the sex I had in a relationship!” —Hannah*, 28
11. “When I do have sex, it’s usually not great.” “I probably have sex once or twice a month. Unfortunately, when I do have sex, it’s usually not great. It’s worse with complete strangers, as you don’t know what the other person enjoys. I last had sex about a month ago. It was a really bad experience though, and it put me off searching for a hookup for quite a few weeks.” —Kellie*, 25
12. “I have a few FWBs I see regularly.” “I like going on at least one date a week, and sex is usually included. I have a few FWBs [friends with benefits] I see regularly, too, so that ups the frequency. I’m newly-ish single and I like going out a bunch so that might be why.” —abbyabby91, 32